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I'm hanging in there. On Tuesday I picked Special K up from preschool and then dropped by the library to pick up a DVD on hold and ran into plantgirl. She walked back to our place and hung out with us while we waited from C and Little T to get back from clinic. How serendiptious. It provided us excellent company and cheered me up enough that I actually ate lunch. plantgirl loves kids and Special K enjoyed showing her all her valentines. I forgot to provide valentines this year. Oops. Fortunately Special K didn't seem to notice that she was suppose to give as well receive valentines and I hope that no one noticed that one of 23 kids didn't give valentines this year.

C came back visibly upset and I comforted him while plantgirl talked with Special K. I thought Special K hadn't noticed, but afterwards she abruptly asked plantgirl to leave. It was kinda funny. plantgirl was about to leave anyway. And I told Special K that if you want someone to leave you say "Thank you for coming." :)

The first day of chemo Little T seemed about the same if a bit groggy and grumpy. I had a frustrating time with various people explaining that the effects of chemo take effect over time, that happy smiling Little T was not what we should reasonably expect, that last time everything happened gradually. I felt like I was the only person who had any recollection of last year. Yeah it was a year ago, but it's hard to forget your child on chemo. I didn't really want to think about it, but neither did I want to feel neurotic for still worrying when Little T seemed about the same right now. I even remember details like they said he'd get 8 treatments and he wound up getting 16. This time they say he'll get 4. So I guess the good thing at least they're starting out with a lower number. We'll see what he actually ends up with.

On the other hand a respite care worker came over at the usual time and Little T wasn't there getting chemo. And when I told her why, she teared up, which was quite touching. And reminded me that yeah this is serious stuff.

On Wednesday giandujabird took me out for tea and paid the $5 extra for the respite care worker to look after Special K. That was really sweet. Special K had a hard day crying a lot. Little T cried some too. At the end of the day I was exhausted, but I also felt less tense, because people had stopped being in denial around me.

So by Thursday morning, I was feeling a bit more myself. A good thing, because Thursday morning began with Little T throwing up. He was quite grumpy and wanted to be held a lot. He would not sleep. I think he was in pain. Poor thing. Finally the respite care worker got him to sleep. Then ten minutes later I woke him up by rustling my jacket next to him, because I needed to get something out of it. He would not sleep again. In desperation I just put him screaming in his crib. I hate doing that. But he seemed so very tired and wound up. I set the timer for 5 minutes. I waited about 3. He had already fallen asleep. Phew!

Special K and I played World of Warcraft. Special K can play a warrior by herself. Though she likes me to move the warrior around to find the monsters. However she can fight and loot corpses herself. Playing seemed to have the same effect on her as it does on me. She cheered up a lot. I think she likes controlling something. I can't kill the monsters inside Little T's body, but I can kill monsters there. I also figured out why one of our character's pets was so ineffectual at dealing damage and fixed it. I really enjoyed fixing somebody up.


( 7 notes — Leave a note )
Feb. 17th, 2006 07:27 pm (UTC)
It's so heartwrenching dealing with a sick little one. And then to deal with a toddler who is going through it with you makes it even harder.

I'm glad you and Special K found a way to cheer yourselves up a while.

Feb. 17th, 2006 09:37 pm (UTC)
Channeling Energy to all of you
Warm and loving thoughts to you and your family.
"If wishes were horses then beggars would ride" and Little T would be all thorough with chemo and at home playing with his big sister.
Anne '64
Feb. 17th, 2006 09:56 pm (UTC)
It was good to see you, and I'm glad I was available to be a distraction.
Feb. 17th, 2006 11:20 pm (UTC)
(hugs) for you all. It is so hard to watch your child be sick. Even more so to constantly worry THIS much. I think you are doing remarkably well, considering. I am glad you have had some respite, and some good moments. Here's to more of those!
Feb. 18th, 2006 04:26 am (UTC)
Oh, please don't fret the valentines. My son came home with about 18 valentines, from his school of 27 kids. I know for a fact that none of the families in his school are dealing with what you're dealing with right now.

I am so glad to hear you have support right now and the World of Warcraft time seems to me to be critical in terms of taking care of yourself.


Feb. 20th, 2006 04:58 am (UTC)
Sam got about 5 valentines from one girl, and I don't think it's a result of a crush. The kids are very haphazard about putting the cards in the bags. Sam made up theories about why this girl had given him so many My Little Pony valentines, but they were things like, "Maybe she thinks I like ponies." So, I second the "don't fret" comment.
Feb. 20th, 2006 03:13 pm (UTC)
I have been wondering about you
and somehow lost you when you moved to LJ. I tried emailing twice, but they were both bounced back. When I don't hear from you, I know it can't be happy news.
Thinking of you, Little T, Special K, and Castor as you once again ride the rollercoaster. I have also been thinking quite a bit about your book, if you want to chat when you are able to get back to it.

( 7 notes — Leave a note )