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Little T and the state of me

This morning Little T's blood pressure was 98/61. Keep with that number, Little T! I'm so relieved that things weren't as bad as they told us on Tuesday. I'm not sure if he'll have to take another medication or not, but really it's a minor worry compared to everything else. I'm assuming for now that his high blood pressure is due to the high doses of steroids, a limited time condition. His hematologist is telling us that around Feb 7, he has to be weaned off steroids whatever his platelet numbers. And that actually leads to my big worry -- Vincristine. He'll have to go on Vincristine/chemo or something else if his platelet numbers aren't normal and he's not on on steroids.

The signs don't look good right now since platelets of 91 aren't normal, but we have some time. Still it hangs over my head. And not being able to take Little T anywhere weighs me down. On rainy days when it's dark and gloomy, I hide. I drizzle. Today when it's sunny, and friends have contacted me to come play, I feel almost my old self. I've adapted to this strange life of constant handwashing, isolating my sunny social baby, and visiting the hospital once a week.

At the same time I'm embarrassed that I "made a fuss" about his high blood pressure. I was brought up to believe you don't make a fuss about anything. Like my grandmother had breast cancer and no one talked about it. In fact for a while I wasn't even sure if she actually had it. I still find it hard to talk about this stuff. And often I don't mention things we're told might happen when I don't think they will. This time I really did think there was a good chance he'd have to stay at the hospital for high blood pressure. That's what his hematologists were telling me and unfortunately they haven't been wrong about hospitals stays before.

The funny thing is that whenever I have "talked" about things as they happen, for whatever reason, we've had a better outcome than when I "talk" about it after the fact. I guess that should encourage me to do it more often. I'm trying.

Comments

( 2 notes — Leave a note )
owlmoose
Jan. 20th, 2006 06:16 am (UTC)
I'm glad that things are looking better and hope they continue to do so!

Please, "fuss" away. It's hard stuff, you need to talk about it, and that's what this place is for. Not that you should force yourself if you don't want to, but if it helps you to talk about these things then you should. *big hugs*
waterowl
Jan. 21st, 2006 12:49 am (UTC)
Thanks! It helped a lot to read this from you.
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