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Tired and little bits of financial paper

I'm very tired. For the past several nights I've been waking up at 3 or 4 in the morning. I feel hot and bothered about something. It's something different each time. It's trivial, but I feel this tightness in my chest and I can't get back to sleep. I toss and turn. I go to the bathroom. I try to think more productive happy thoughts. I wonder "What's wrong with me?" At some point I fall back asleep again.

This is very odd for me. Usually I fall asleep and sleep soundly until morning. Only severe stress combined with the feeling that I can fix it causes me to lose sleep. And my life is relatively stress-free. My sister says maybe it's because things are settling down so now I have the capacity to feel stress. I guess that could be true.

I went off Topamax since a known side-effect is insomnia. So far it's made no difference.

Lack of sleep makes me forgetful and I lose little unimportant things like the coupon for $12 off Little's T cake. I know it's only money, but I hate the feeling that I can't control this bit of paper. That it's slipped away somewhere. I search for it and I can't find it. We got the cake anyway, but I still want it. I hate bits of paper. I want a world where my finances are not tied to them. I've tried to free myself from them as much as possible, but it's an impossible dream. My tenant sends me a rent check every month -- a little bit of paper. I've never lost that, though once it never arrived. And once before C and I merged finances, her payment came every month completely electronically. It was my idea of financial heaven.

I want to write more about Little T and his party and his checkup, but first I have to go to another party. And right now I'll let go of the idea of finding this coupon, this bit of paper. I feel it drifting it away skyward to wherever little lost bits of paper go. Bon voyage.