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I got stressed out today, because

Little T had granulation tissue from his g-tube, but at first we couldn't figure out what it was.

Little T cried a lot and refused to be put down for hours from all the poking about from us figuring things out

My sister sent me an email that the top for our bridesmaids' costumes for my brother's wedding is on sale and therefore going out of stock quickly. The web site claimed that a nearby store had it, but when I called, they said they didn't. I'm between sizes, so I need to try two sizes on to see which one fits. Stress stress.

I realised I don't have a dress to wear for my hs reunion this weekend. C said "You have opera clothes." Yes, but these are a) for San Francisco and b) too formal for a hs reunion dinner. More panic and stress.

Clothes shopping stresses me out, because it's never clear that throwing more money, or more time at the problem will achieve the desired result, a me that looks good. I'm 5'8" and have an hourglass figure. Well, okay, I used to have an hourglass figure before two kids. Now I have a figure that looks great in the right clothes, but in the wrong clothes, I look fat, and worse pregnant. Not that being pregnant is so bad, but it's highly embarrassing for both of you if someone says you are and you're not. Most clothes are designed for shorter women, or fatter women, or unreal women like Barbie. I'm not tall enough for "tall women clothing".

So I go shopping in the vain hope I can find something that fits and I like. I wish I knew how to accomplish, except by going to stores and trying things on. I wish there was some sort of Amazon thing for clothes "If you liked this dress, here's another dress you may like." IMO clothes are still in the preInternet era. Some marketing guru figures that women love to shop. Maybe some other women. Not me. If you hate to shop for clothes too, shout it out, sister! Fundamentally, to me, clothes shopping is flailing in the dark. I hate that.

It's stressful. Here's how I react to stress. First my heart starts pounding and my breathing quickens. Then I get a headache. Then my stomach starts to hurt and finally if I get stressed enough, I feel light-headed and nauseated. Under extreme cases, I simply shut down. This is different from remaining calm. I'm far from calm. I'm a soda pop bottle. If you can get me to open up, I fizz all over the place. It's messy and inchoate and quite ineffectual. With C, I don't shut down, I just start yelling at him. Needless to say, he doesn't appreciate it. This time I didn't yell. I just fizzled for a bit until C got me to calm down and decide what to do.

C called the nurse who said that the cream I got from Little T's last GI apt should suffice.

I ordered the two sizes online. I have to pay $10 in shipping, and I have to return the one that doesn't fit, but at least in that case, throwing more $$ and time at the problem seems to have solved it.

At C's suggestion, I called a friend to go shopping with tomorrow. I still may not find a dress, but at least I get to spend time with a friend.

My movement disorder worsens under stress, but a friend from hs commented that it was a lot better when she saw me after an absence of several years. I no longer try to control the amount of stress I experience. After Little T was born, that was impossible anyway. I try to control my actions and take better care of myself.

When I gave birth, waves of pain cascaded over me and sometimes I thought I couldn't handle it, then I'd start to panic and everything would get worse. I learned to try to remain calm and just ride the wave, because eventually it would pass. For me, the feeling that this moment of intense pain will never end is the worse. But all things in life pass. So if I know what I'm supposed to do, I usually remain relatively calm under intense situations or crises. It's when I don't know what to do that I freak out. Fortunately as I get older, I encounter more situations and learn better what to do in each. Or at least I have C to calm me down while I figure things out. I love that man.


( 1 note — Leave a note )
Jan. 12th, 2006 12:21 am (UTC)
dawnd said...

*wave* Hi Thida! glad to "see" you. :^)

8/10/2005 04:33:37 PM

Thida said...

Good to see you too, Dawn! :)

8/10/2005 10:27:31 PM

jk fabiani said...

Or at least I have C to calm me down while I figure things out. I love that man

Sweet. Aww!!!!

Does Marajuana help you with pain at all?

8/11/2005 01:03:35 PM

Thida said...

Welcome John! :)

I don't usually experience pain except when I hurt myself accidentally.

I've never tried pot. I don't like smoking. Burning object + movement disorder = bad idea

8/11/2005 02:02:58 PM

jk fabiani said...

Makes sense.

I just know so many people with chronic pain that prefer it to the array of opiates and other pain killers. I think eating it may be the way to go. Just a thought.

8/11/2005 02:21:45 PM
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