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We cut back to two tube feedings a night for a total of 500 calories a night. Yesterday at the doctor's office we got great news that Little T was gaining weight (12.10 kg) and growing (87cm). He's at the 10th percentile for both now.

His GI doctor said "You've done a great job." It felt good. I have really been trying to get him to eat. Some days it feels like ALL THE DAMN TIME. I worried for the entire month and a half he lost weight.

Yesterday after talking with C I agreed to cut Little T's feed by another 30 calories aka a cracker. I can push one more cracker.

Then last night for the first time in a couple weeks, the side opening in his tube extension popped open during his second feed and his food pumped all over the crib. I was really upset especially as I was going to go check and C said he would do it. I feel like we've cut his tube feedings down to the absolute minimum, so he MUST GET EVERY SINGLE DAMN CALORIE.

I try to tell myself it's just one feeding. But I am still angry and Little T is not making up the extra calories so far. He won't eat if I try to feed him while angry. Who would? I feel like a terrible mother.


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May. 10th, 2007 09:07 am (UTC)
What a hard place to be in. It takes courage to reduce his feedings like you are. I can understand the frustration and fear that lead to anger when something goes wrong. Feeling those things does not make you a terrible mother.

May. 10th, 2007 09:00 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the hugs! I needed to read that.
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