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Stewing and bone age

I stayed up half the night last night stewing about things. Very unusual for me. So of course I feel tired and a bit bluggy. But today I relearned the value of singing along to pop songs I love. It cheered me up.

Then I weighed Little T and his weight was slightly down from last month at 10255g, or for you nonmedical Americans 22lb 9.6 oz. The GI doctor called me back. You may have read my concerns about Little T's not growing. I felt a mixture of relief and sadness that his GI doctor now agrees with me. He ordered a bone age test. It's just an x-ray, no general anesthesia.

We also have to keep a food diary. I'm a little nervous about it and feel silly about feeling nervous. I picture the doctor exclaiming "he only ate this much today?". Then the doctor lectures me on offering him more food and I feel like a BAD MOTHER. I know that's silly since we all know if this could be fixed by just feeding him more food, this would have been resolved months ago. If the boy ate, he wouldn't need a g-tube.

But this little voice in my head wants to blame me for it all, because you see like in the tv commercials, good mothers always feed their children nutritious delicious food that they're eager to eat. The implication being if they don't eat, it's the mom's fault for not buying the proper product.

But today the doctor explicitly told me twice that giving him more food will not make him grow. He's already getting enough food. Hooray for me, C, and the pump! But oh so sad. It's much safer to blame myself, and believe I could fix this somehow. Even I know I don't possess the power to make my child grow.

Comments

( 6 notes — Leave a note )
jennyrob
Sep. 27th, 2006 04:45 am (UTC)
Chinese herbs! Now might be a really good time to check out a doctor (even the MD in Redwood City who writes books) who does pediatric Chinese medicine. There are very mild herbs to increase appetite and strengthen qi that you can cook with. Or, you could use an infusion of herbs to mix with his g-tube formula. Qi is responsible for growth and immunity!
waterowl
Oct. 4th, 2006 12:19 am (UTC)
Thanks for the info, but until his tumor is a lot smaller, I'm reluctant to give him anything that promotes growth on a global basis without his hemo doctor's blessing. His previous growth spurts have been accompanied by a growth of his tumor and a return of Kasabach Merritt Syndrome.
poets_hand
Sep. 27th, 2006 08:04 pm (UTC)
There is no such thing as the perfect mother. Children will eat what they will eat when they are hungry. I know you well enough to assume that you are offering him healthy choices. No child will starve themselves, and children will naturally eat when they are hungry.

He probably just has some messed up hormones from all that medication and surgeries he's had. I like the idea of using Chinese medicines to stabilize his hormones, though!
waterowl
Oct. 2nd, 2006 05:35 pm (UTC)
Yeah he probably has messed up hormones. :(
(Anonymous)
Sep. 28th, 2006 01:07 pm (UTC)
Hi
Hi there

Hope you are OK. My name is Liz and we emailed you a few months ago regarding our experiences with Kassabach Merrit with our son. I hope you don't mind but I just wanted to try and get in contact with you again as I have just read about your son not growing. Our son is now nearly 21 months and only about 9kg. He does eat but really struggles to put weight on. I just wanted to know, have you been told it is directly due to the KMS/drugs or something else? We went to Great Ormond Street in London and they didn't think that there should necessarily be a link. I find this hard to believe myself though particularly as his haemangioma is still so active. Any advice or information you have been given would be really appreciated.

Thanks very much
waterowl
Oct. 2nd, 2006 05:39 pm (UTC)
Re: Hi
We don't know why yet. We just know that his growth is delayed. See my most recent post. My son's hemangioma is shrinking. Is your son growing in height? That's one of the key questions. My son is not and has not for months. His weight and height are actually well proportioned.
( 6 notes — Leave a note )