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Goodbye snooze

gblake died recently. I only knew him as snooze, an online character on a social MUSH. I knew little about him, but I enjoyed his presence. Whenever I logged on, he was always genial, friendly and kind in a place where folks often take delight in being snide and sarcastic.

And he deeply touched my life once. I hadn't logged on in months, but I was utterly shattered and going to familiar places of any kind, even online, to try and find some sort of reality in the crazy fun house I found myself in yet again. I asked snooze how he was doing, an idle question. To my surprise, he told me about his lung transplant. I had no clue. He always just seemed a nice geek. I had no idea what he was going through. It gave me permission to talk about Little T. It was really the first time I talked to anyone outside my immediate family about what was going on. And he was very sweet. He helped me feel more peaceful. And grateful for my son. You always worry you're not doing enough as a parent. snooze expressed a lot of gratitude for his parents. He said it sounded like I was doing a lot. It meant ten times more coming from someone who was also dealing with life threatening issues.

I logged on recently looking for something. I don't know what. I hadn't yet realized that gblake and snooze were one and the same. Now I know I was looking for snooze. I'd always meant to log on and thank snooze for that act of kindness. I'm sure he would have regarded it as an everyday act of compassion, just something you do. And now I'll never get the chance. That makes very sad.

Goodbye snooze. I'll miss you. I'll tell Little T about you when he's older. In some ways you were alike, and though I really hope Little T has really turned the corner now, I hope he continues to have the same great friendly outgoing personality. It's too early to know if Little T likes anime or computers, but he sure loves books.


( 2 notes — Leave a note )
Jun. 8th, 2006 02:10 am (UTC)
My condolences.
Jun. 8th, 2006 03:43 am (UTC)
( 2 notes — Leave a note )