I watched the Montel show on polyamory and it turned out to be surprisingly balanced and respectful. I thought a lot of the views that Montel voiced are simply what the average American thinks and feels. I thought it was interesting that Montel contrasted polyamory with the religious right's definition of relationships and said "by their standards we're all living wrong".

I did have one quibble which was that the people on the show were careful to say that they weren't advocating polyamory and of course the blurb made it out that they were saying it was "the best way". Neither am I. Polyamory works for some folks, but it requires a great deal of time and energy. If you read my blog for any length of time, you'll know I have very limited time and energy right now.

I just think it's important to talk about sex and love and your model for relationships with the person you're with. I don't think people talk enough about their assumptions. Basic assumptions like what constitutes sex and intimacy, whether or not to have kids, when to have kids, who will look after the kids, who will do chores, what's your basic spending patterns, attitudes towards money, etc. C and I talked a lot about these things before we got married and I attribute our basic level of happiness to our shared bedrock of common understanding and values.

I just realised I'm much more nervous about being a bridesmaid at my brother's wedding than a bride at my own. I knew I was marrying the right guy, so the rest was gravy. I figured if I made a total idiot of myself at my wedding, at least I'd end up with C at the end of it.

We had a lovely wedding, even though apparently someone did try to ruin it by making a big fuss. However we didn't hear about it until afterwards and this person fortunately only seemed to affect those immediately around them.

It was one of the best days of my life. I was filled with joy. People blog all the time about love and sometimes it sounds so simple and it isn't really. But I do have one simple thing to say about love. To me, love means that occasionally if it's only for a moment, you honestly and truly believe the person is the most amazing being on earth and it's because they did something that lights you up. For me, one of those moments was my wedding day. But weddings are often like that. There have to be others. Another for me was when C truly laughed at my silly jokes when Little T was so sick.

Sometimes people mistake love for I think X is the most amazing being on earth, because I love X. That's not love. That's tautology. If you never feel that way about your SO, it's not love, it's desperation or low self-esteem or something else that keeps you with that person. These feelings of amazement are usually fleeting and they never last. But those moments keep me going in the bad times. IMO sheer will power won't do it alone if you never have the moments of joyful amazement. It's also not worth it. Making a marriage last is hard work. Why do it if not for joy?

Some folks who've been married for a long time say you need to be able to fall in love again. I think I'm saying the same thing.