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Progress

On Thursday I was naughty and read Don't Look Down the new novel by Jennifer Crusie and Bob Mayer instead of finishing my book proposal.

On Friday we sold my house in Oakland. The buyers want a 14-day close with no contingencies. They're also paying $60k over asking. We received 3 offers and needless to say we took this one. We went to the house yesterday to say goodbye. It looked lovely, but nothing like my house. It was carefully staged to look like a grandmother owned it, charming, but not at all me. I will miss my house terribly, but I felt she had already gone.

It all happened so fast. I'm feeling not quite connected to reality.

Here's the MLS listing picture of the old lady


Two shows I watched for years are also ending. Neither of them are any good anymore. One I stopped watching, because it got so bad, and one I kept watching hoping it would return to the days when I loved it. But one ran 8 years and the other ten years.

I owned my house for ten years. I had a different life ten years ago. I was younger and single and relatively carefree. I don't wish for that life back. And even then I knew that I was lucky. I felt I lived a semi-charmed life.

Maybe some folks would say now I live an awful life. But I still feel lucky. I really enjoy my children every single day. They're a lot of work, especially Little T, but that little boy laughs so much. I love how he says "yeah yeah" If I've been gone ten minutes, he wriggles with delight and beams with joy as if his entire world is better because I'm there. But I would like to not be tired all the time. I'd like to not to have a mound of things to do and to worry about it. I had far less responsibility and worry ten years ago.

My house was a thing of joy and beauty and didn't feel much like another responsibility, except when I thought about the mortgage. I feel sad that the balance tipped so far to responsibility that she became a burden. I don't want to become one of those sad parents who don't enjoy their children anymore. I think I couldn't go on.

There are too many chores associated with Little T. His babyhood is too extended. Little T is 20 months. He's still very much a baby. I can't believe he's that old. Part of me can't believe how far he's come and part of me wonders how long he'll continue to be a baby. I would just like him to ask the gods to let him grow up a little. Just walk please before you're two. My arms are getting tired.

Yeah I know I want so much. First I wanted you to stop consuming blood and staying in the hospital. And now I want you to walk. I'm greedy. What can I say?

Comments

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jennyrob
May. 23rd, 2006 02:12 am (UTC)
Contratulations on getting an awesome price for your house! It sounds like your house gave you many wonderful things, including a chance to reflect on who you thought you'd be, and who you are now.

I hear what you're saying about T. Praise be that he's not an infant any more! Man, talk about a looong infancy. I have a friend who has a child just a few months younger than T, and he's still working on sitting up.

It's funny; I've heard that some people want infancy and babyhood to go on forever. They keep having more kids to relive that experience. Yikes. Sounds like urban myth to me. ;-)
choiceful
May. 25th, 2006 12:31 pm (UTC)
Warm wishes to you and the little ones. He sounds like such a sweetie, I hope he learns to walk soon too :)
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